On an unexpectedly more serious note

It's nice to be at the point in your life where you can look back on where you were a year ago, thankful that you have grown and changed. I don't know why, but I woke up thinking about that this morning. Over the course of this past year, I have learned so much about who I am and who I am not. Example: I am not a party girl, in an appropriate sense of the word. I'd much rather spend a quiet (or rather, hysterically laughing) evening with a few friends than with a huge group of people running around doing outlandish things. I'd rather read a good book than go to a crazy concert most of the time. I'd rather go hiking with the boy I love than...well, than just about anything. I am not a fashion-conscious individual. Coming to terms with this has greatly increased my self-satisfaction. Now, when I get to school and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I can just laugh. And most of all, I am not a disappointment. A year ago, that was my worst fear. I honestly thought that I would end up just being a disappointment to my earthly and heavenly parents. I knew I was smart, but I didn't think I could make anything of my life. I just wouldn't cut it. How thankful I am that I now know that isn't true. I remember the first moment I was conscious of this change in belief. I was standing by the bell tower, watching the sun set on BYU campus last August. I was thinking about all of the experiences that I'd had since coming here 2 years ago. I thought about the feelings of loneliness and despair, doubting my self worth, wondering how I could ever figure out where I was going with my life and be happy with who I was. And I realized, those feelings were gone. But not erased; rather, they had driven me forward towards self discovery. I had hated feeling that way so much, and Heavenly Father had not left me alone in despair. He had given me people and experiences to help me. And there I stood, knowing He was with me, knowing my life was not a disappointment. I smiled, and probably cried a little bit. I thought of this song:

For a little while, have I forsaken thee
But with great mercy have I gathered thee...
And with everlasting kindness shall I succor thee
With healing shall I take thee 'neath my wings.
For the mountain shall depart, and the hill shall be removed,
and the valley shall be lost beneath the sea.
But no, my child, my kindness shall not depart from thee.

It's true. Heavenly Father was guiding me, though, naturally, I couldn't quite see it until after the storm had ceased. Now I know. And I am happy. I can laugh and smile with my whole soul. I like this feeling. I think I'll keep it.